New Year. New hopes.

 It's a new year and while not much has changed, everything has changed.

Things that I have learned:

I can't control anything or anyone.  There is sometimes the illusion of control and security, but that is truly an illusion.

Foundation is EVERYTHING.  Everything in your life can let you down and disappoint you.  My closest friends let me down.  My parents let me down.  My husband let me down.  That illusion of security I had crumbled and my life fell apart.  Luckily, I found that my foundation was solid.  My foundation is Christ.  He is the only thing solid thing.  I can always rebuild with Him as my foundation.

The church is not as important to me as I thought.  I love the church.  I love the principles that it teaches but it truly just a guide in my life.  It's a tool to help me have a better relationship with God.  It's a tool to allow me to associate with like-minded people, but the church is not my ticket to heaven.  Also, the leaders are truly just people trying to do what THEY think is right.  Our ward and stake leaders let my family down when we needed them most.  If I put my faith in the church, my faith will suffer because the church and it's leaders are humans and flawed.  Just like me.

I do not give up.  When I commit, that means something to me.  I don't give up on commitments when it gets hard.  This might be a strength.  This might be a weakness.  Only time will tell.

I don't need lots of friends.  I would MUCH rather have just one or two friends that I know that I can trust.  Friends who I feel safe being honest with.  Friends who accept ALL of me.  Not just the good things about me.  Those people are rare and the last two years has shown me who those people are.

I'm an introvert.  I like some social time.  But I LOVE being at home with my posse (people and dogs).  I love unstructured time.  I love the art of doing "nothing".  It's these times that quiet my soul, recharge me, and allow me space to feel gratitude.

I love my husband.  He is flawed.  He can be selfish, and mean, and insensitive.  He also tries so hard to not be those things.  He keeps his commitments, even when he doesn't want to.  He sees MY flaws and still chooses to stay.  He loves me the best he knows how.


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