Insecurity

 A few weeks ago, Sam told me that confidence is an attractive quality in a person and a girl that is insecure, is annoying.  He was responding to something that I had done that was "needy".

I thought about that for a few days and finally sat down and talked to him.  I told him that I had realized that insecurity is born out of realizing that you aren't secure in something that you 1000% believed you were secure in.  If you would have asked me a few years if my husband would "leave" the church and ask me for a divorce, I would have laughed in your face.  That wasn't even a tiny possibility.  And then it happened.  And my world changed.  Trying to figure out this new world, is scary.  When you're married to someone for 25 years, you are pretty good and knowing what kind of reaction to expect when you say or do something.  I suddenly find myself in a relationship where I have no idea what to expect.
The other day, Sam asked me how mad I'd be if he got a tattoo.  Compared to all the other issues we've dealt with, Sam getting a tattoo isn't that big of a deal.  However, my biggest discomfort with it is how weird it is that he wants to get one.  Even when he was 20, partying in Jackson, he never got a tattoo, even though there were several opportunities to get one.  He's always made fun of his brother for all the tattoos he has, and Sam has always told me that he doesn't like tattoos.  It was something that, church aside, I 1000% believed that he would never get.
There are so many things that I was 1000% confident about, that I now realize I was wrong about.
Never in a million years did I think that Sam would "quit" the church I'd be in in the club that sits alone in the back of the chapel.  Never in a million years did I think that getting a divorce might be the right, and best choice for our family.

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