Swallowing pride

 When I realized that Sam was done, I realized something about myself.

I love Sam.  I love our family.  I love our life together and I'm willing to fight with everything I have to keep it.

The hardest part of all of this, is realizing that I'm only half of a relationship.  I can't control what Sam wants or what he chooses to do, but I can control what I do.

Another hard part of the last six months is being honest with myself.  I've spent 20 years trying to change Sam.  I've spent 20 years making Sam feel like he needed to be who I wanted him to be in order to be worthy of my love.  I'm actually quite impressed with how long he was able to put up with that.  If he had treated me the way that I've treated him, I would have been done with him a long time ago.

Sam has never been anything but encouraging and supportive of what I want to do and be.  I've never been anything but critical and negative about his ideas and plans.

Who wants to live with someone like that?  

Um.  No one.

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