EXMO

When Sam "left" the church, it was a hard thing to realize that a marriage relationship isn't as enduring as the "eternity" that I thought.  A marriage is something that TWO people have to choose, and it can end even if one person doesn't want it to.  It was a weird realization that my siblings were more of a certainty in my life than my husband was.  Sam can decide to stop being my husband anytime he he wants to, and I have ZERO say so about it.  My siblings have to be my siblings no matter what.  That was something that I felt comforted by when the bottom dropped out of my world.  Specifically when I thought about Joseph and Spencer.  They live here.  They are active in the church.  I knew that they would be able to step in when I needed them.  Joseph came over and gave me a blessing when Sam told me that he wanted a divorce.  Jospeh also was there to escort Michael through the temple before his mission.  Spencer has been someone that I knew was rock solid on his knowledge and understanding of the gospel and could give me direction and advice.  He's called me many times and offered empathy.

Well...

Spencer left the church.

Not just "left" like Sam, where he quit participating.  He left literally.  He had his name, and his entire family's records removed from the church.  He's shared his reasons, which I'm not going to share because it's not my place.  Also, they don't make sense.  All I will say is that over the last few years, I've come to the scary realization that satan knows us personally.  He uses that knowledge to lie to us.  He uses, not only our weakness, but our strengths against us.

Anyway.  When I've talked to Spencer, he's wanted to make sure that I understand that he is not an "EXMO".  At first, I wasn't sure what that meant.  He explained there there is a group of people that are identified as "exmo's"  These are ex-mormons that are mad.  They feel like they have been wronged in some way, and want to make sure that everyone else is just as mad as they are.  It's not enough to just decide that the church isn't a good fit for them.  They want to make sure that every member of the church becomes just as bitter and angry about mistakes the church has made as they are.

The thing is, many of these people have legitimate complaints.  People have wronged them.  Past church history has hurt them.  The problem is, that is not everyone's experience.  It's almost like "exmo's" need everyone to be as mad as they are in order to validate them.  When other people don't feel angry, they deiced that either the other people are stupid or brainwashed.

These types of people are the types of people that I've seen Sam relate to.  He listens to hours and hours of podcasts that interview people that have been "done dirty".  He listens to their stories, and how mad they are, and it validates his anger and choice to leave the church.

It's so hard.  There are things and people in the church that that I think are wrong and un-Christlike.  But that's just it.  These people are not Christ.  Just because they belong to His church, doesn't mean that they are immune to making mistakes and it certainly doesn't mean that there isn't plenty of good to be found in the church.