Random Rambles

 I shouldn't have hoped. Sam's brother has been here visiting and last night I listened to a conversation that Sam had with him. Sam started the conversation by explaining to David the ways that organized religions brainwash people into conforming to their standards.  He talked about how phony patriarchal blessings are and explained that patriarchs are taught what to say and how to use certain words and phrases. He talked to David about wanting to have experiences.  He doesn't want to read about other people doing cool things.  He wasn't to experience things himself.  He told David that real joy would be found in freedom to go where ever he wants to go, and do whatever he wants to do without worrying about what other people want. He confided in David that he's never wanted a family or a house and stable life.  He tried for twenty years to make himself want those things, but the truth is, the life he has is agony for him.  He told David that some people...

 Over the last year, there have been many times when I've been certain that I'm at rock bottom and the only way to go is up.  I think I actually did discover rock bottom a couple of weeks ago.  A couple days after my last post, Sam came home from a work trip.  I could tell he was struggling.  I was getting dinner ready and was trying to keep the mood light by laughing and joking with the kids.  Jesse was bragging about how hard he'd worked that day and I commented that he was working harder than any of us. I didn't know what a trigger that would be. Sam immediately got defensive.  He told us all that he'd worked more that day than all of us put together had worked in the last week.  I tried to assure Sam that I knew that, and I was just trying to boost Jesse's confidence.  After dinner Sam disappeared and I tried to distract myself by helping Jacob get ready for his young mens camp.  Awhile later I found Sam out in the gym and asked him ...