Leaving vs being kicked out

 A counselor is who recommended that I write all my feelings and I'm finding it to be very helpful and healing so I'm going to continue.

I had a very deep and interesting conversation with Michael last night.  He admitted that he feels some hesitation about going on a mission because he doesn't believe many of the things that other missionaries believe.  He doesn't have a desire to convince people to join our church.  He sees value in many different religions and lifestyles.  While he is interested in teaching people about Jesus, and doing service, he's not interested in telling people that they have to join our church in order to find true happiness.

I was surprised, but also grateful with how honest he was willing to be with me.  I asked him why he hadn't ever shared these things with me before and he said he didn't know.  I think I know why.

Our church teaches a very narrow way of doing things, and we all know the "correct" answers.  There have been many times when I have sat in a class and been hesitant to answer a question.  Sometimes that's because the answer is so obvious (Sunday school answer) that it seems rhetorical, and sometimes it's because I know the teacher is looking for the "right" answer and I'm not sure what they want me to say.

I think Michael has held back because he knows what I've wanted to hear.  He knows what the right answers are and he didn't want to hurt or disappoint me.

This makes me sad because I think that this leads people to believe that if they don't see things the same way as the righteous people at church, then they must not belong in the church.  As Michael has struggled to decided whether he wants to go on a mission or not, he's known that if he doesn't, he will not "fit in" anymore.  When people don't feel like they belong, they look for belonging elsewhere.

This is where Sam is.

I've often used the phrase, "They have LEFT the church".  I see this much differently now.  I'm sure people "leave the church", but from the new perspective that Sam has shared with me, it feels less like leaving and more like being kicked out because he's not willing to conform to someone else's ideas of who he should be and what he should believe.  

I think that by teaching "choose THE right", we are insinuating that there is no room for people to do or interpret things differently within the church.

The church and it's membership numbers are large.  To say the least.  There are people from many different cultures and backgrounds.  If we continue to stick to the narrative that there is only one right way to do church, we will continue to alienate and lose people that would otherwise still want to feel welcome.

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